it's December 6 today, 19 days left before Christmas. i'm kind of pissed off actually.
i haven't prepared yet for well, pretty much just about everything. there's not even a single Christmas display on our house. there's no Christmas spirit at all. i don't want this Christmas to turn out like last year, boring. that's what i'm afraid of. but it seems like everyone here is too busy to stop and just take a rest and realize that Christmas is coming near. like my mom, too busy for the "dance competition" in their office which is worth a lot more to prepare ( like costumes/trainer) than the actual prize. i wanted for us to buy gifts together which is what we usually do. like our special bonding moment. but i guess it will just be a blurred out dream for now. i don't want to get mad or make an issue that small, be big. because if i get fucked up i would spend Christmas with some other family. that's my only Christmas wish this year. for my family to have fun together with our friends of course. we're only three in the family now, my brother my mom and i. my parents had an annulment so that explains it. i guess i'm gonna have to keep myself busy to get my mind off of things. i don't want to get worked up over this shit.
so that about ends my blog for today.
it's my first blog in months so i'm sorry for being rusty.
i just want to let some feelings out.
